Bottles Not Spun
by Pylea Princess
Summary: Spangel! Spin the bottle plus toubla rosa, minus the Sunnydale gang! slash! SA
1. Chessey

9/8/04

Nope, the peeps aren't mine!

Thanks for all the NICE reviews! You are all so NICE!

Season 1, SPANGEL!

What if "Toubla Rosa," and not "Spin the bottle" had happened at Hyperion? What if Spike was there? What if I wrote this story, and stopped asking questions? : )

"Spike? What are you doing here?" asked Cordelia, as said vampire entered the offices of Angel Investigations. "Here on official business chit" Spike smiled. Said Chit, was not amused.

"Go away." she said, stepping out from behind her desk, stake ready. "Geeze! I come to see my bloody poof of a Sire, and this is the welcome wagon! No wonder you guys are so poor!" Spike laughed. Cordelia's eyebrows knitted together, and raised the stake.

"Whoa! Angel knows I'm coming here!" Spike said, holding up his hands in defense. "Fine, just don't break anything, CHIP BOY!" she hissed at him.

Spike glared at her, but went into the office. "You know, your secretary bites!" Spike said. "I'm sure it's just you" Angel said, setting down his book.

"So, when does she leave?" asked Spike, eye brow cocked. "Not soon enough" Angel smiled.

Meanwhile, Wesley walked in, carrying what looked like some wired shaped vessel. "Hey Wes? What's that?" asked Cordelia.

"An ancient Inca pot, I bought in a pawn shop, believe it or not!" he laughed.

Then he dropped it. "Good going, Wes." Cordelia said. Then some sort of steam started pouring up from the remains. Before Cordelia could say yet another quip, she was out. Soon to be followed by Wesley, and the two vamps in the other room…

What do you think? Was it good, bad, or just plain out ugly? Thanks for reading!


	2. Alex, AKA Xander

9/9/04

Thanks everyone for Reviewing! Ya'll kick butt! : )

Bottles Not Spun, Chapter 2

Spike woke up by slowly opening one eye, and then the other. He was lying on a floor. An ugly floor, colored some Gawd awful dirt hue. He sat up, and saw what the room looked like from this angle. He was sitting in an office, the blinds pulled shut. There was a desk, and a window to the inside.

He walked over to that window, and saw a man and a woman, sleeping on the floor? "Huh?" he scratched his head. He reached for the door, when there was a noise from behind the desk. Startled, the bleached blonde grabbed a lamp, and prayed he wouldn't need it…

Angel heard a noise, and slowly opened his eyes. 'Why am I nest to a desk?' he thought, numbly. He placed a hand upon, to get himself off the floor. "Who are you?" the vamps asked in unison. "I don't know!" they repeated. "Stop that!" "Sorry". Spike rolled his eyes, as Angel looked down. They were about to speak again, when a screech was heard from the outer office.

"Some one is in trouble!" Angel said. "Then let's get over there and help them!" Spike said, as they dashed into the other room.

Cordelia was whacking Wesley with her purse. "OMG! What the hell is going on here!" she screamed. "Ma'am, I assure you!" Wesley said, holding his hands up. "I mean you no harm!" was heard between smacks and Cordelia's screams.

She turned to the two other men. "Who are you sexy guys?" she asked, ignoring Wesley. "Uh, we were hoping you could tell us…" Angel said. "Does no one know who we bloody are!" Spike demanded.

"Well, you and specks over there are both English, maybe you're related, like brothers, or cousins?" asked Cordelia.

Spike and Wesley looked down 'figural' in Spike's case, at another. "So, we're related huh?" asked Spike, hands on his hips. "ID!" Wesley said.

"What?" asked Cordelia. "Of coarse!" Angel said, as he reached into his back pocket. Cordelia caught on, and reached into her purse. Wes and Spike followed Angel's example.

"I'm Cordelia Chase!" she proudly declared. Showing off her Driver's License. "Hmm, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce!" Wesley smiled as Spike laughed. "Ha! Wesley! What a loser name!" Spike laughed

"Oh yeah? And what is your name?" asked Wesley. Spike looked down at that. "I don't have one" he said, sad. "Sorry" Wesley said.

"Ok, non glasses dude, what's your name?' asked Cordelia. Angel was very busy staring at something. "I don't have one either. All I found in my wallet was this picture," Angel said.

Cordelia snatched it before Angel could register it. "OMG!" she blushed instantly and then Wesley took it. "Oh, my" he smiled and then Spike took it. He looked at Angel.

In the picture, it was the two of them, kissing! "So, um, yeah…" Spike said. "Uh, huh…" Angel said.

"So, you two don't have names?' asked Wesley, changing the subject. They both shook their heads. "OH! Can I name them!" asked Cordelia.

"We're not bloody dog ya know!" Spike said, angry.

"Huh, I'll call the blonde one Derek. And" but Spike cut her off. "Derek! That's not even English!" he yelled. "Fine! You can be Randy" she smirked. "Randy! Might as well as call me Horney Wyndam-Pryce!" 'Randy' raged. (Spike will now be Randy! Yay!)

"Now that that's settled, it's your turn." Cordelia said. "Hmmm, Bob!" she said. "Bob!" Angel pouted. "Fine! You can be… uh…Alex." She said. "Ok, I like that name, I could even be called Xander for short!" 'Alex' said.

"No Luv, I'm not calling you something stupid like a whelp's name." Spike said, rolling his eyes.

"Right, now let's uh, try to uh..' But Wesley was cutt off by….

All for now! The Alex part, I love irony! Thanks for reading! I love you all! : )


	3. Huh?

9/10/04

Thanks for all the cool reviews, yeah, I guess I could have been a little more creative with the names, but I suck at names! Sorry! Thanks for the reviews though! Love you lots!

Bottles Not Spun, Chapter 3

Suddenly, a big, gigantic, evil, fur coat rat crawled over Cordelia's foot! "OH MY FREAKING GAWD!" she yelled, interrupting whatever Wesley was saying.

"What is it chit?' asked Spike, AKA, Randy. "Rat!" she said, and shuddered. "Women" Spike rolled his eyes. Cordelia walked over to him. "Oh yeah, bleach, and what is _that_ supposed to mean!" she demanded, hands on her hips, scowl on her pretty face.

Spike unconsciously backed away. "Sorry! Geeze!" he said.

"Are you both done?' asked Wesley, not liking that he was so rudely and dumbly interrupted. Both Cordelia and Spike nodded. "Very well. I suggest we explore. We know not who we are, so sticking together would seem best." Wesley said, polishing his glasses.

"Explore? What is exploring gonna help?" asked Cordelia. "Because, then we could find someone who could help us." Angel said. "Look around buddy, it's 11pm, no one is home!" she said, motioning with her hands and arms. "How do you know that?" Spike asked. "I know how to find out…" she said.

"Alright, show us your 'method', then" Angel said. Cordelia smirked.

"HELLLLPPPP!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Bloody hell woman!" Wesley said, hands over his ears. "What? I can't hear!" Spike said. "Randy?" Angel asked Spike, no response. "You made my boyfriend deaf!" Angel yelled.

"Nu-uh!" Cordelia said. "Uh-huh!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "YES!" "I said NO!" "You made him deaf!" "NO I didn't!" "Yes you did!"…

Wesley groaned as the two bickered. "Will you shut up! He's not deaf!" Wesley yelled to heard over their screaming. "Oh, Sorry." Angel said. Cordelia smirked. "Told ya!" she sad.

"Then why isn't he hearing what we are saying?" asked Angel. "That!" Cordelia screeched. A big green scaly demon was staring Spike in the eyes, having some sort of hold over him…

"A recneck! They make their victims paralyzed, and then eat their brains!" Wesley said, astonished to have known that!

"How do you know that?' asked Cordelia. "I'm not sure…" Wesley thought. "How do we stop it? It' gonna hurt Randy!" Angel said. "Don't freak, Alex we'll just uh…" Cordelia motioned for Wesley to talk now.

"Chop off its head…" Wesley looked and saw a rare sword over in the corner. "Use that!" Wesley pointed. "Sounds good to me" Angel ran over and grabbed the sword. He ran to the demon, but was swatted away like a toy solider.

"Tuh, men, always think they can do everything on their own" Cordelia reached into her purse, and withdrew a can of something. "Hey, Green dude! Eat mace!" Cordelia sprayed the demon; it dropped its hold on Spike, and growled in pain. Angel took this opportunely to slice off its head.

"Bugger" Spike said, looking at the mess.

OK, I need suggestions! I don't know what to do next! Thanks for reading and you can review if ya want too! : )


	4. Fangs and Chases

9/12/04

Sorry bout the serious time lapse in updates! But now I shall update! Yay!

Thanks for all the stellar reviews! Specially Closet Guy and Ashley!

Bottles Not Spun, Chapter 4

Everyone was totally weirded out by the happenings of the demon. "Ok, what just happened here?' Cordelia demanded of Wesley. "Why are you asking me?" he yelled back, frustrated. "Cuz you seem to know a lot about that wacky whatch-ma-call-it" Cordelia said, hands up in the air.

"Who cares what it was, its gone now, …right?" asked Spike, slightly worried. "Of coarse it is, it's in a puddle of it's own guts over there! Geeze, are you dumb!" Cordelia said, pointing to said messy puddle.

"He's not dumb," Angel said, glaring at Cordelia. "Uh, no, that's you, I forgot sorry." She stuck her tongue out at him. "Well at least I'm not a bit" but Wesley cut him off.

"Children, please. We are obviously in some sort of trouble!" Wesley said, as he walked over to a bookshelf, instinctively. Cordelia and Angel walked over with him, leaving Spike to wander about into the basement…

"So, how are these books going to help us?" asked Angel. "It's called reading, dumbass." Cordelia said. Angel again went with the glaring. "What? Must furrow your brow, cuz you can't think of an insult? What all that hair gel clogging your thoughts?" Cordelia screeched. "I'm ignoring you. You're just all whiney because you're angry." Angel said, crossing his over his chest. "Nancyboy" Cordelia said under her breath. "That's it!" Angel said, vamping out…

Spike walked down the steps, when he heard a weird noise… it was like a creaking. "Hello? Is anyone here?" he asked. Strange beety eyes peered out at him. "OH GAWD! It's a rat!" he raced up the stairs…

"AHHHH!" Cordelia said, as Wesley picked up the fallen sword. "What? It's not like I was gonna hit her or anything." Angel said, pouting. "Your face! He's an evil thing!" Cordelia said, freaking out. "Cordelia, run, leave this awful spawn of Satan to me!" Wesley chased after Angel with the sword.

Spike went up into the lobby, confused. Wesley was chasing Alex, and Cordelia was having a panic attack… "What the Bloody Hell is going on!" he yelled.

"He's a demon!" Wesley shouted, pointing his sword at Angel. Spike looked at his face. All fangs and ridges. "Does that mean I'm too?" he asked, making everyone stare at him.

"Here, let me try!" Spike forced himself to change. "OMG! Its more of the evil!" Cordelia said. "Tuh, if we're evil, then why aren't we killing you and junk?" asked Spike. "Yeah." Angel agreed. Cordelia stopped screaming, Wesley dropped his sword.

"Maybe we're all friends? Like we work here, and, help people?" asked Angel. Spike nodded. "Hmm, What do you think, Book Man?" asked Cordelia. Cordelia and Wesley both pondered the thought…

"Nah!" they both said, and perused to chase after Spike and Angel, all around the inside of the hotel!

Pointless, silly, and downright insane! Sooo, did ya like it? Thanks for reading! Love you all! J And don't forget, suggestions! Always suggestions!


	5. Naughty Vamps

9/13/04

Snuggles for Me! Love the reviews you all rock!

Bottles Not Spun, Chapter 5

"This is pointless!" Spike yelled to Angel. "I know, but what else can we do? They are literally going to kill us." Angel said. They ran up yet another stair case, Corde and Wesley none too far behind…

"Stop here, let's hide over there." Spike said, pointing with his head. They ducked into a random room, barricading the door. "Why are they trying to kill us?" Spike demanded. "Because, we're evil demons, vampire's I'm guessing, because of the fangs." Angel said. They both sat on the floor, exhausted.

"OK, but aren't vampires, like, super fast, strong, and… from the looks of us, sexy?" Spike laughed. Angel smiled, and raised an eyebrow. Guess you could say that." He said, inching closer.

"So, about that photo?" Spike asked, as he too, got closer. Angel reached into his pocket, and removed the requested item. "IS that what I really look like? All bleach and leather?" asked the younger vamp, fingering the photo. "Mmmmhmmm. You look so hot right now…" Angel said. "Alex, people are trying to hunt us down and murder us, and all you want to do is, _that_?" asked Spike Skeptical.

"Yeah, sorry, I guess I" But Spike cut him off with a quick kiss. "Exciting isn't it?" he asked, quirking that scared brow. "Indefinitely." Angel said, as they commended with the making out.

MEANWHILE…

Cordelia and Wesley ran up the stairs, after the evil vamps. "They were really vampires, weren't they!" Cordelia asked, startled. "I do believe so." Wesley said, sword raised slightly in defense.

After about 15 minutes, they had lost them. "Where the heck are they?" Cordelia said, one hand cocked on her hips. "I'm not sure… wait a minute? What is that noise?" asked Wesley, holding his sword up. "Dunno, it's coming from upstairs…" Cordelia said.

They slowly traveled upstairs, at the point where they had lost the two vamps…

Wesley pulled the door, the blockade was not very thought out, as the door could open both ways…

"OMG!" Cordelia said, as Wesley's face paled….

!!11111111111111111111111111

SO? What did ya think? Did you like? And always, reviews and suggestions really do get the job done! Thanks for R&R-ing! Love you lots!


	6. The big BAM

9/14/04

I love you all lots! This is for everyone who has been waiting!

Both vamps pulled away faster than lighting! Spike was battle ready, yet his shirt was off, and pants practically falling down. Angel was in a similar position.

"Oh yuck! We came in on their vampire groping-athon!" Cordelia said, grossed out. Wesley rolled his eyes at her. "Evil fiends! Prepare to die!" he raised his blade, it glinting off a random light.

"That is SO it! Why the freak are you trying to kill us! We never freaking bothered you!" Spike growled out.

"Because you're vampires! Evil soulless things that prey on humans!" Wesley said stoutly.

"SO? We aren't the ones who are doing the 'preying' here! You are!" Angel shouted. "Tuh! That's only because you're too stupid! You're gonna be dust beneath my feet, and I don't give a damn about how that makes either of you feel! You're evil murders!" Cordelia screeched.

Wesley and Cordelia had them cornered. "Why can't we fight back!" Spike roared.

"Because, Randy. We found a spell in those books to cause immobility." Wesley said, and was about to strike, when…

_**BAM!**_

"Spike? Angel?" Cordelia thought. "What the hell is going on!" Spike yelled. "Why are you half undressed?" Wesley asked, yet did not turn away. (Wesley! : )). "Oh crap " Angel said, suddenly remembering.

Then Cordelia and Wesley looked down, ashamed, as Spike and Angel quickly redressed. No one said anything; it was too hard right now to do so…

What do you think? Anti climatic, I know, but more chaps to come! : )


	7. The End!

9/15/04

Thanks for the reviews! They made my day! Yay!

Downstairs, the two humans were awaiting the arrival of the two vamps. Cordelia sat on the rounded couch, Wesley had the front desk, leaning over it.

"Wes, I can't we could have…" Cordelia said, turning away. She remembered it as if it were a painful vision. "I know." Wesley solemnly said, his eyes narrowing at the thought.

MEANWHILE….

Spike and Angel were silent upstairs. Too shocked at everything that had gone down.

The silence between him and his sire was killing Spike. They had been so close, and now Angel was too disturbed to even look at the bleached blonde's half of the room. Well, Spike was going to put a stop to that…

He walked to the older vamp, and sat on the bed with him. "So, how's it going?" he asked. "Spike, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way when we weren't ourselves. It was wrong. So very wrong…" Angel looked down, ashamed.

"Bloody hell! I wanted ya to! Unless, you think it's wrong to have wanted me? To have touched me? To have, loved me?" Spike wasn't sure if he wanted the answer. That's why Angel wouldn't look at him, he was disgusted. Spike felt like dying, yet he was already dead, so it'd be way less dramatic, but he still felt terrible hurt.

"That's it, isn't it? Mr. Poofy sire has had it with the bleached wonder eh? Well you, suck!" Spike said, almost crying. He was about to get up from the bed, when Angel grabbed his wrist.

"Never think that." Angel said, ere inches from his lips. "Then why?" asked Spike, confused, yet not sad.

"Because, it was wrong of me. We didn't even know who we were. Doesn't that bug at least a little?" asked the dark haired vamp. Spike smiled cockily, creeping up closer on the bed. "No, know why?" asked Spike, his crystal eyes shining. "Why?" Angel asked, his eyes had lidded. "Because it felt so right" Spike breathed as they kissed.

Meanwhile…

"That's it! It's been a whole freaking 20 minutes! Let's just go there already!" Cordelia screeched. "I do agree with your incisive yelling…" Wesley mused. So they left. Cordelia thwacked up the door. "Not again!" she groaned.

"Oh my!" Wesley said, clearing his specks.

"Oh that is so bloody it!" Spike vamped out, leapt off the bed, and roared. "Watcher! I'm starting to think you like interrupting Spike's happy time!" Spike was not happy, so yes, it had been interrupted. "I" Wesley gulped out. "I'm gonna bite yer bloody neck and kill ya!" Spike ran after Wes around the hotel.

"Shouldn't you do something about that?" demanded Cordelia. "Why? Wesley runs pretty fast. Spike will get bored and he'll just let Wesley be." Angel said, sitting up on the bed.

"But!" Cordelia said. "And you can have the rest of today, _and_ tomorrow off…" Angel said. "Bye!" Cordelia said, happily skipping out of the hotel.

The end! Did you like? Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, or just skimmed! You all rock! Love you lots! Sorry for the short notice, but this story just sort of died! Thanks again for your reviews!

Sincerely Pylea Princess

P.S., no Wesley's were hurt during the creation of this fic, well, if you minus all the Cordelia smack down, but ya know…. : )


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